


When I say sorry

by Barabarabap



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Jacob sad, Kevin oblivious, Kpop idols - Freeform, M/M, Realistic, Slow Burn, Will prob be 2-3 chapters, idol, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:15:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23510695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Barabarabap/pseuds/Barabarabap
Summary: Kevin gets easily distracted while working and doesnt pay a lot of attention when Jacob is talking. This has been happening quite a lot for a while and Jacob keeps overthinking and ends up feeling like Kevin doesn’t care about him. But should he expect more from him? They’re just best friends. They don’t always have to pay attention to each other, right?
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin, KeCob, MoonBae - Relationship
Comments: 17
Kudos: 66





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by that time Jacob got so sad over Kevin saying he doesn’t remember his first impression of him. He pouted hard!  
> Okay enjoy feel free to leave feedback. Wrote this quick and didn’t proof read yet so bear with me;; (I changed the title, it used to be «I never get mad I just feel sad»

«Kevin..?» Jacob says in his usual soft tone as he pokes his head in through the door to their studio. «Mm» the younger lazily answers. «Wanna see this idea I have for a song i’m writing?» he asks hopefully. Kevin doesn’t move his eyes away from the screen «eh yup yup» he answers in a rush then pauses a bit as he clicks away at the keyboard. «Just a sec» he utters. But doesn’t take his eyes away from the screen either way. Jacob just sighs to himself «It’s okay, do it later you’re busy» he tries to sound cheerful, he doesn’t want to bother the other. He closes the door

«Hey.. Remember what I said earlier?» Jacob near whispers. «What? About food? I’m good» Kevin rushes his words, still on his laptop even as they got home. Jacob feels a pang in his chest and his expression falters, Kevin doesn’t notice. ‘he doesn’t even care about my song?’ He thinks. He just smiles and leaves the room. Why does this hurt? It’s dumb, of course Kevin has better things to do. He’s just busy right now

Jacob hears a knock on his door, then it opens. “Hey» Kevin speaks quietly as he makes his way towards Jacob who is sitting curled up in his bed, it’s late but he can’t sleep. It’s completely dark in there but Kevin still attempts to climb up the ladder of the bunk bed. «You were talking about your song earlier, I want to hear» Kevin speaks, his voice sounds hoarse and he looks tired. Jacob is thrilled, he does remember! The latter lets out a small laugh, and says «come here» they lie down comfortably as Jacob searches through his notes. He starts whisper singing the lyrics, as Sangyeon is fast asleep in the bed under them. He’s a few lines in when he stops as he looks over at Kevin. His eyes are closed and his figure slumped, he fell asleep. Another pang in Jacobs chest, he sighs, but turns to his side and opts for staring at Kevin’s sleeping face. He’s been overworking himself, he knows that. Jacob coaxes himself into feeling okay, Kevin did at least make the effort to come to his room. ‘This isn’t so bad’ he thinks, shifting a little closer to Kevin, dozing off as well.

«Uhm Kevin» Jacob speaks, trying to get a response from the other. Kevin’s drawing something for his moonscribbles and he’s in deep concentration. He doesn’t want to bother him but there’s not a time when Kevin isn’t distracted with something lately, so he has to try. He sits down next to him, pretty close. He thinks that maybe he will pay more attention if he looks at him properly. «You know we have a day off this saturday?» Jacob pauses waiting for a response, he just gets a half assed nod. He still continues “Want to go get ice cream at that place we talked about? The one that makes those funny uhm rolls, you remember?» He makes a ‘roll’ gesture with his hand and keeps staring at the other. After a pause Kevin speaks «Sorry what?» Kevin is still focusing on the drawing. Jacob feels his stomach drop and can’t help the pout forming on his face, he slouches deep into the sofa, trying to dissappear as he lets out a sigh. Kevin, to his surprise notices this and finally snaps his head away from his work. Jacob looks down, “You didn’t hear any of what I just said?” he spoke in the softest voice ever. His lower lip jotting out, which Kevin usually finds cute. Jacob’s eyes refuse to meet the others. Kevin panics, he’s really done it now. He didn’t ever want to make Jacob upset. He genuinely just wanted to finish up his work. “Nooo, wait i’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blank out on you...” Kevin trails off, his brows furrow, he put down his tablet as he moves even closer to the other in the sofa. Jacob’s still pouting but is looking up at him with those big sparkling eyes. “Jacob” the younger says in a deep voice, regretting not paying attention to him. He knows Jacob doesn’t get this way easily. Only when he feels unappreciated or when someone says harsh words to him. Jacob blinks and breaks their eye contact “you’ve been doing that a lot lately” he says, very hesitant to open up about his feelings, he looks embarrassed to be talking about this as he’s fiddling with the hem of his oversized jumper. Jacob always tries to avoid any type of confrontation, he thinks it’s awkward and he doesn’t want to seem vulnerable or needy, even though he knows he is. He wants to be paid attention to, especially when it’s Kevin, but he’s too scared to admit that. But right now he really can’t stop his face from looking this way, he feels like crying which is stupid, he holds it back the best he can. Kevin notices that Jacob’s eyes are glistening and he bites his lip out of guilt “I know, i’ve been distracted from the real world lately, and from you.. But it’s hard to focus, even when working actually. I know that’s no excuse though..” Kevin pauses, trying to catch Jacobs eyes to see what he’s feeling. Jacob still looks upset. He puts one hand on Jacob’s knee subconsciously and continues “you know, I want to talk to you and listen to you, i really do.. I’m sorry i’ve been distracted” Kevin’s eyes are still wide, he’s so scared of hurting Jacob. Because Jacob is the last person who deserves to be hurt, and he hates it when he fucks up, he hates to see Jacob sad, his gut always drops to the floor and he gets a huge lump in his throat when he sees Jacob like this. Jacob’s hand moves to Kevin’s that’s resting on his knee. “No Kevin, I- i’m just stupid for sulking over this. I know you have a lot of work to do.. just forget it” Jacob forces a smile, he feels so weird now, he’s so dumb for letting kevin see this side of him. He gets up shakily to walk out of the room but Kevin’s hand on his stop him. “Wait.. Sit down” Kevin knows Jacob, he always does this, he doesn’t want to ‘make a fuss’ in Jacob’s words. Jacob hesitantly sits down, he wants to just pretend everythings okay, he doesn’t want Kevin to feel bad. But another part of him wants the other to see him, he wants Kevin to decipher his feelings so he doesn’t have to say them out loud, because that’s so incredibly hard sometimes. Especially when it’s with Kevin, they’re such close friends, but he wants to be his very best in front of Kevin, he doesn’t want him to notice his bad parts. “Jacob you have all the right to be upset, I know it must suck when I do that.. you always listen to me and you always make time for me, I’m sorry I haven’t done the same” Jacob feels his face burn hot at the words, he’s more aware of the hand that is still holding his from before. Kevin looks so sincere right now, but the words still make Jacob feel weird. He feels like he successfully is making a big deal out of it and now Kevin is worried and he feels bad, Jacob doesn’t know what to say, his eyes just dart around the room as his eyebrows knit together in thought. Kevin continues “Jakey“ the younger moves closer and looks at him, both the nickname and the closeness making Jacob shiver. “If you feel like this ever again please tell me.. I know you like to hide your feelings but I want to know everything.. You don’t have to overthink it with me” Kevin’s voice sounds soft yet determined and their eyes met at the end of the sentence. Jacob swallows, little did Kevin know that the older overthinks more with Kevin than he does with anyone else. Maybe because the way he cares for Kevin is different than how he cares for anyone else. Though he doesn’t want to think about that. He has to admit that Kevins assumptions about his feelings are spot on, Kevin always says the right things. He does like that about him. Jacob has no choice but to agree with the other even if he feels so very incredibly embarrassed about it. “Mm.. I’ll try” Jacob says in a tiny voice, he wants to hide. Kevin’s face looks red now too, “c’mere” he whispers as he wraps his arms around Jacob’s frame. Jacob couldn’t help but slide his arms around the others waist and bury his burning face into Kevins tshirt clad chest. Jacob would never admit it, but this was what he wanted. He had wanted this attention from Kevin so badly, he doesn’t want to ponder on why right now. He just envelopes himself in Kevin, he smells good, he always does, even after working all day. Kevin notices how tightly Jacob is squeezing him, and he feels bad once again. What has Jacob been feeling lately? Was he lonely everytime he watched Kevin work, only to try and talk and get no response. Kevin squeezes his eyes shut, ‘i’m such a shitty person’ he thinks while gently stroking Jacob’s hair. They sometimes do this, just hug for a bit longer than normal. Well, since they both have people they miss, Kevin just thought of it as comfort. But this, right now it feels different, it doesn’t feel like a replacement for a love that they’re missing out on otherwise in their life. It feels like this is what he truly needed, nothing else. Jacob lingers in the moment, feeling every light stroke of Kevin’s hand in his bleached hair and the sheer closeness. Jacob feels too good in this moment, his heart is pounding, and he realizes this is just different, it feels different. That realization makes him suddenly panic and pull back from the other just slightly, then he looks at Kevin. ‘Oh’ their faces are closer than he thought they’d be. Jacob can’t help but linger for a bit just taking in Kevin’s graceful features as he speaks up «Sorry for being a weird idiot I- you should finish your work!» Jacob gets up real quick and a bit clumsily then trails out of the room, Kevin is at a loss of words at this point, he just stares at him wide eyed, looking a bit disheveled from the contact as well. He shut the door behind him a little too hard, making a thud echo through the hallway. Jacob wasn’t used to this, no, nope. He wants to run away, and he did. But he needs to get further away, like maybe he should fly to Canada right now? His stomach is tingling. He knew this would happen, this is obviously because he tried to open up about his needy nature, right? That’s why he feels weird! Jacob concludes with that as he runs out of the company building. «What now?» he doesn’t even have a ride back to the dorm.


	2. Feeling weird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi gois, sorry for not writing sooner! Hope you enjoy ;;

Kevin feels somewhat strange, he can’t stop thinking about what happened two days ago and he keeps failing at distracting himself from his thoughts. Everything felt weird after that, he has no idea what Jacob is thinking anymore because of the distance between them lately. His thoughts are constantly running wild and feels nervous about their situation, but at the same time sort of giddy, because questions about the other he has never thought of before are rising in his head. He spins around in his work chair, chewing on his stylus pen. He’s not exactly getting much work done at this point. He just wants to talk to Jacob, but that seems near impossible at the moment. The latter seems to be avoiding him, but not exactly avoiding him either, more like acting different towards Kevin only. They both interact normally around the members and the other seems the same as usual, sometimes when they end up alone, if Kevin tries to start a conversation Jacob will play along for a bit pretending nothing ever happened but then he’ll come up with some really bad excuse like «Oh I forgot to do the laundry!». Seems like Kevin is getting some of his own medicine, this is definitely karma for making Jacob upset in the first place, now Jacob’s the one who wont talk to him. “Oh, how the turns have tabled” Kevin sighs to himself dramatically. He rubs the bridge of his nose under his glasses, feeling deflated. He tries to come up with a reason why Jacob is acting that way. Did Kevin do something bad yet again? Did he somehow add fuel to the fire somehow? Then he remembered something. They have the weekend off and Jacob asked him to come with him to that ice cream shop. This weekend means tomorrow, Kevin slightly panics, pausing his pen chewing. He feels like he has to go ask Jacob about their plans now, he contemplates whether to wait until tomorrow, or if he should just text him like he usually does if they’re not together. He rubs his temples and tries to calm down. He really wants to hang out with Jacob again, like they always do when they have free time. The other memebers are always close by when they’re at home or at work so it’s hard to find time alone to talk. But he knows they will be able to talk things through if he can just take him somewhere else for a while, he has to make this work. Kevin nods to himself, having come up with a resolve. He’s about to get himself back into a good enough mindset to be able to continue working, but that conviction quickly fades as he realizes that he has no idea what he even wants to say to Jacob. He just has all these bottled up emotions and thoughts about the other day, he feels an immense urge to just blurt it all out to the other. That’s definitely not a wise thing to do, he’s gonna scare him away for sure. «Oh my goodness» Kevin sighs frustratedly while ruffling his hair. Is it supposed to be this nerve-racking simply trying to speak to your best friend?

\- - - -

*Knock knock* Kevin opens his eyes slowly, he looks down and sees a couple of crumbled sheets of paper, destroyed by his face. He really fell asleep on his desk, that’s unusual for him. *Knock knock* again. «Oh! Come in» he says a bit taken aback, his voice sounding sleepy. He turns his chair around to face the door as he rubs his eyes. His clouded eyes are slowly getting back to normal as his gaze lands on the door, his breath quickens a bit as he sees Jacob’s blonde head in the door opening. «Did you fall asleep?» Jacob laughs softly, their eyes meet. «Yeah..» Kevin replies nervously. They linger a bit but Jacob breaks their eye contact and speaks «Was just gonna say we’re leaving now are you coming with us or staying?». This is Kevin’s chance to ask about tomorrow. «I’m coming, wait here with me while I pack my stuff?» He asks, giving his best puppy eyes. He notices that Jacob seems a bit reluctant but gives in after a few seconds “Fine” he says with a sigh and sheepish smile as he sits down on the sofa in the corner of the room. Kevin grins and starts to (very slowly) put some of his things in the bag. He has to think, his sleep fogged brain is not ready for this, he didn’t get to plan how to ask him yet. He takes a moment, then decides to just wing it as he usually does, he knows he’s not exactly bad with words. “So, remember you talked about going somewhere this weekend? Still up for ice cream?” Kevin speaks, his voice sounding a whole lot more sure of himself than he was actually feeling. He peeks over at Jacob, his eyes darting all over the room. “Oh yeah, that was stupid cuz.. It’s way too cold to eat ice cream!”. Again with a bad excuse, Kevin can’t hide his face from looking as disheartened as he‘s feeling. At this point Jacob is gradually turning pink as he realizes that Kevin can see through his awful excuse. The latter has zero plans on giving up yet, two can play this game. «Then let’s go get some hot chocolate instead. We don’t have anything better to do anyways” Kevin smiles as he shoves the rest of the items into his bag and closes the zipper, “Let’s go tomorrow’ he insists, ending the conversation smoothly. He knows Jacob can’t weasel himself out of it this time. «Oh yeah sure, fantastic» Jacob tries to sound excited but fails horribly, which makes Kevin again feel his heart sink. ‘Yeah this is definitely karma’ he thinks as he pulls the door open and mutters “Let’s leave then, come on” with a forced smile.

\- - - -

Kevin’s eyes feel dry as he forces them open, he rolls over in his bed with a creak and checks his phone for the time. He puffs a breath out, it’s too early. Kevin and Jacob didn’t get to plan the exact time of their hangout as the latter went straight to his room when they got home, probably intentionally to escape Kevin. Kevin’s hot chocolate idea is just floating in the air, not even seeming like a plan anymore, especially because it doesn’t seem like Jacob even wants to go. Kevin rubs his face as he sits up in his bed, it’s just 6 am but he knows it’s better to just give up on falling asleep again, his brain is already way to clouded with thoughts. He doesn’t want to wake anyone else up so he sneaks out of their shared room and into the kitchen, he observes that no one is up yet. He doesn’t feel like having any breakfast yet so he opts for a cup of tea. The warm feeling of the cup in his hand gets him thinking of their hot chocolate hang out yet again. «Hang out” he mutters between two sips of tea, a quizzical look on his face. He wonders if this will be anything like what they usually do together, probably not. He has the urge to plan, so he digs out his phone from his pocket and begins googling places, his search comes to a halt as he finds somewhere pretty perfect. He grins confidently, If he tells him about this place he’s sure Jacob wont bail on him. He’s hearing some noise coming from inside several rooms. He notices it’s already 8 am so he gets up from his seat, wanting to take a shower and get dressed before everyone else hogs the bathroom.

\- - - -

*Knock knock* Kevin hears as he pulls his sweater over his still damp torso. «Oh um 2 seconds» he says just loud enough for whoever is outside to hear. He quickly drapes the towel around his neck and pushes the door open. He immediately spots a blonde boy who is still clad in his oversized sleep gear. «Hi Jacob» he speaks as a few drops of water run down his temple, his fringe still wet and half in his face. There’s some type of tension in the air as he moves to lean on the door frame. «Hi kev» Jacob utters as he rubs his eyes, his voice sounding raspy but small. «You done? I need to shower as well» he ads. «Yeah i’m done.. By the way, you still up for the h-hangout?» he curses himself for stuttering, facing Jacob now he feels weird about everything and his confidence fades into thin air. He tries to read the others expression, the blonde looks surprised, his eyes round. Maybe because of Kevin’s awkward way of asking. «Oh! Of course» Jacob smiles a bit, his response feels genuine this time. He feels his nerves calm down as he smiles back, he really needed that reassurance from the other. “Now move, I need to get ready” Jacob chuckles a bit as he moves closer and nudges his shoulder. «Ah sorry sorry, wait wanna go around 10?» Kevin quickly questions before Jacob can disappear into the bathroom. The latter nods, muttering a «sure” as he closes the door with a slight thud. Kevin lets out a breath. ‘This feels like i’m asking someone on a date’ he muses, feeling strange about it, but he can’t fully ignore the fluttering feeling in his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t proof read this yet, but i’ll edit it soon, wrote this instead of sleeping of course xx Love any feedback thank you for reading!


	3. Sprinkles and panic

Jacob closes the door to their tiny bathroom and takes a deep, calming breath as he sits down on the cold floor. he knows he’s been acting off lately and it’s obvious that Kevin has noticed. 

He doesn’t like the awkward air between them, and he knows it’s his own fault things got out of hand. Even so he can’t seem to stop behaving this way, he’s too nervous around the other and he has been needing time to think things through.

Truth is, Jacob has a lot of things he hasn’t told Kevin about, for example things Kevin does that he doesn’t like him doing and the most important thing, why he doesn’t like it.

Jacob is aware that they have to talk eventually, he assumes that’s why Kevin is trying so hard to make him hang out with him this weekend. He can’t deny that it’s a sweet gesture but even that makes him feel antsy. 

He furrows his brows and decides that he’ll try his best to be honest with Kevin, even if it scares him. He realizes he has no time to waste, he gets up from the floor to get himself ready.

\- - - - 

“Hey” Jacob’s voice cracks slightly, but that’s not unusual. He clears his throat “You ready?” he asks, leaning his hands on the kitchen table where Kevin is seated. 

The brunettes eyes tear away from the phone in his hand, his eyes wide and his lips slightly parted as he looks up at him. “Oh! Yep, are you?” Kevin utters with a small smile.

Jacob notices that the other seems nervous too, which makes him feel a bit better. “Yeah, where are we going anyways?” He questions, realizing he has no clue about their plans.

“Hmmm, you’ll see in a bit” Kevin smirks as he gets up, the chair screeching as he does so. “Ok then” Jacob grins back. A feeling of excitement takes over his previous anxiousness as they put their outerwear on and leave the dorm. 

\- - 

A cloud of vapor forms as he breathes out into the cold air, he pulls the zipper up on his fluffy white jacket and buries his face in it to keep warm.

Kevin is leading the way, walking two steps ahead of him but at a sensible pace. They’ve been walking for about 10 minutes, neither of them saying a word, Jacob keeps wondering how far away it is, but he has never been a fan of breaking the silence.

Luckily, Kevin seems to read his mind “It’s just around the corner” Kevin turns his head to look at him as he speaks. Jacob makes an ‘O’ with his mouth and nods. 

“You know Jacob, I think you’ll really like this place, or have you been here before?» Kevin mumbles excitedly, like he always does. “ I don’t think you’ve been here though, you would have told me because-“ he pauses his ramble as he pushes open the glass door of the small cafe “- It’s kind of amazing” he finishes, holding the door open for Jacob to walk in. 

“Woah Kevin!” he utters in awe as he steps inside, the first thing he spots is the massive shelf behind the counter, it’s filled to the brim with cereal boxes, in every flavor you can imagine! His jaw practically drops to the ground.

He takes his time to look around the entire shop, it’s decorated with every color of the rainbow, the floor checkered and the chairs and tables stylishly mismatching.

“This is the coolest place i’ve ever seen!” he coos, his eyes sparkling and a huge smile plastered on his face as his gaze lands on Kevin.

“This place is literally within walking distance of our dorm, how have you not been here before?” Kevin questions, raising an eyebrow as they walk towards one of the tables.

Jacob sits down on a red chair as he scoffs jokingly “You think I have time to have fun?”, earning a chuckle from Kevin. “Painfully true” the latter exhales in a dramatic manner taking a seat on a blue chair adjacent to the blonde.

Things are starting to feel less unnatural between them, but that still doesn’t stop the lump in the olders throat from growing. Kevin grabs one of the menus placed on the side of the table, and pushes another one across the surface to the older boy.

They discuss the amusing cereal names for a while before deciding what to get. ”And oh I didn’t forget about the hot chocolate, they have that too” Kevin beams, flipping to the last page and pointing to the desserts section. 

“I almost forgot about that” Jacob murmurs and let’s out a tiny laugh.  
“Let’s get both, we’re gonna get diabetes but it’s worth it right?” The brown haired boy grins.

Jacob agrees with that idea, he wants to enjoy their time off to the fullest! Though he hasn’t forgotten about the reason why they came here in the first place. 

Even if he’s incredibly happy to be at this astonishing cereal shop he still feels that damned lump in his throat, he’s gonna have to speak to Kevin about his issues, feelings, thoughts, everything on his mind. And he normally doesn’t like doing that.

Kevin gets up to order for them both, menu in hand. As soon as he has reached the counter Jacob let’s out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

He’s getting second thoughts, maybe this is a bad idea after all, what if this conversation will ruin something, what if it gets awkward forever and doesn’t go away.

Jacob sighs as he watches the others back, feeling his heart speeding up at his own negative thoughts. Kevin shuffles his way back between tables and chairs, “They’re gonna bring it over in a bit” The younger says as he plops down in front of him.

“Can’t wait” Jacob utters as enthusiastically as he’s capable of at the moment. Trying to distract himself, he starts folding his little rainbow colored napkin into a triangle. 

The silence is back once again, Kevin is just looking at the other as if he’s trying to see into a window to his soul. One of the waitresses is suddenly by their table with their order ready, unexpectedly quick.

Then Jacob remembers that it’s just cereal and it can’t take very long to prepare. They thank the lady and they both simultaneously let out a “wooow” as they view their bowls of cereal.

Both of them covered in all kinds of pretty sprinkles and Jacob’s one has a layer of blue frosting lining the edge of the bowl. They small talk about how cute it looks and take a few photos before they dig in.

They decide they’ll leave the hot chocolate for after so it can cool down first. Jacob tries to just ignore his racing heart for a bit so he can actually enjoy being here. He has to put his love for cereal first at this moment in time, or else he will regret it!

They discuss the taste and crunchiness as they eat, Jacob loving every part of his cereal bowl while Kevin is complaining that there’s too much sprinkles. 

“How are you chewing these rock hard sprinkle things? I feel like they’re literally gonna break my teeth” Kevin says shivering a bit as he looks at Jacob crunching away at said sprinkles. “I like crunchy” He mumbles as he shoves another spoon into his mouth while doing a little ‘happy dance’.

Kevin just chuckles and calls him cute, which makes Jacob want to hide under the table but he opts for pretending he didn’t hear him.

They finish eating pretty quickly because they have to (in Jacob’s words) “Eat fast or it gets soggy!”.

Kevin grabs his paper-cup of hot chocolate and takes a quick sip “Ouch! Yes uh it’s still hot” he winces as he clears his throat.

Jacob snickers at him, then hums “You wanna go to some park nearby instead? It’s getting crowded here” He questions as he gestures to the big squad of chattering students about to sit down right next to them.

Kevin knows Jacob doesn’t like big crowds and neither does Kevin really, so he nods immediately “Yeah, let’s bring our hot chocolate” he smiles as he grabs both of their cups and stands up. Waiting for Jacob to put on his fluffy jacket.

\- - - -

“The cold air actually feels nice for once” The blonde says while closing his eyes. It probably feels nice because he’s so nervous by now his entire body is actually boiling.

They made it to a park close by and are seated at a shabby bench. It’s completely empty there except a couple of pigeons hanging around the trash can, there’s barely any noises heard besides the birds cooing.

It’s calm and feels nice but he knows they’re not here to simply enjoy the view of nature. He feels his body tensing up as he notices Kevins gaze fixated on him. He gulps, he’s still not sure if this is a good idea.

«Jakey, are you okay?” Kevin eventually speaks seeming concerned, his brows furrowed. Jacob looks down to his hands holding his cup, this is it. This is where he’s supposed to start talking.

“I’m fine” He smiles, his eyes feeling empty as they stare into Kevin’s. ‘Damnit, why is this so hard’ Jacob thinks as he slides down on the bench so he can lean his head on the back-rest, staring up at the clouded sky.

He feels Kevin scooting closer and he feels his own breathing quickening. “I know somethings up” Kevin speaks in a gentle tone.

«Gas prices are up” Jacob says nonchalantly side eyeing Kevin then looking up again with a tiny grin on his face. 

Kevin snorts, not being able to hide his amusement, “I was really being serious here!” He huffs as he sinks down on the bench as well, joining Jacob’s cloud watching.

«I know, sorry. I’m just very bad at this” the older mutters, eyeing Kevin’s expression trying to read it. “What do you mean by ‘this’?” The brown haired boy digs, trying to coax out words from the other.

«You know.. Feelings and like, explaining them” Jacob trails off, his fingers playing with the lid of the cup in his hand. “I know, but you can try, with me” Kevin says, his eyes encouraging him and making him feel secure.

He sits up facing Kevin and takes a breath to calm down. «At first, being your best friend was the greatest thing ever, I had no problems with anything you did or said» he pauses, scanning Kevin’s face, trying to find out what he’s thinking, he looks confused.

He sighs and continues «But lately I find myself getting upset over things you do. Like when you don’t talk to me, or when you’re too busy» The blonde pauses to think.

Kevin still seems confused but nods for him to keep talking. «I didn’t want to say anything because it’s just me being stupid..» Jacob murmurs under his breath as he looks at the pigeons, avoiding Kevin’s eyes.

“No! It’s not stupid. I get you, I really do. Actually, i’ve been feeling like that too lately, when you, uhm- started avoiding me« Kevin purses his lips and sits upright to face the fluffy jacket clad boy.

«I’m sorry, I never meant to avoid you Kevin.. I just felt uhm weird» Jacob stutters, not even properly sure himself what he was feeling weird about.

«Don’t be sorry.. And what do you mean by weird?» Kevin raises an eyebrow. «I don’t know.. I feel like I want your attention just a bit more than normal friends do..» What is he even saying right now? Jacob’s face burns up, that sounded way different in his head, now it sounds like- ‘Oh’.

Kevin’s face is bright red and his eyes wide, matching Jacob’s expression. «Wait! That sounds weird, that’s not-I mean it’s-» He says hurriedly, shaking his head.

«Wait..Jacob» Kevin cuts him off. «What exactly do you mean by attention?» he asks, in a strained voice.

Jacob’s face turns to an even more prominent shade of red as his brain processes the question. ‘Attention’ an image flashes in his head, he pictures their longer-than-usual hugs, the closeness of their bodies, their faces just inches apart.

Yep, that’s it. He’s pretty sure he’s about to spontaneousely combust. Why on earth did he just think of that? He looks up and meets Kevin’s still wide eyes. «I’m going back, don’t f-follow me» Jacob utters, his voice shaking from embarrassment as he speedily gets up, dropping his cup of untouched hot chocolate to the ground.

«What? Wait Jacob!» he hears behind him as he runs away (yet again). Kevin probably thinks- he doesn’t even want to think about what Kevin must think right now. This was all a mistake!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back at it again with (Literally the worst chapter title on the planet) writing instead of sleeping B) Sorry if this sucks, my brain is literal mush right now. I have barely even read through this.. I’ll read and edit mistakes later, promise! Appreciate any feedback thank you


End file.
